Unless your mother is Cher , a Madonna , o Elton John (non-biological mother, of course) or the Each Maravilha It’s not easy to tell people that you are gay . Firstly, because every mother hopes that her son will give her grandchildren, in this case biological ones. Secondly, because they fear for their safety and well-being, after all, violence and intolerance against homosexuals are still very present in our society. Nobody chooses to be gay, but being homophobic is a matter of choice, so be a humorous and intelligent straight person The more gays on the “market”, the more interesting women will be available to you.
Let me make it clear that MPH is not encouraging anyone to be gay, or else some misguided comment like this will come up! It’s worth warning that no one starts to enjoy having sex with men after reading an article on the internet. If this fear has crossed your mind, stop reading now and stay in the closet a little longer.
Although I’m not sure how true this is, a friend swears to everyone that he told me this over lunch:“ Mom, I’m gay, pass the salt, please! “. If you like this idea, put it into practice now or take a look at the list below. Good luck!
10 WAYS TO TELL YOUR MOM YOU’RE GAY
1 – Only tell people when you’ve decided what you like because it’s normal to go through phases of doubt and experimentation (If you’re over 18 and the doubt persists…Huuum, I don’t know). But each person has their own time, the important thing is to have an open dialog and try to find out what your mother thinks about the subject, because soap operas and films generally only portray gays as stereotypical, funny, affected, poisonous or with the voice of someone who has inhaled helium gas. If you don’t fit this profile, your mother may be shocked and try to take you to church, a psychologist or a whorehouse.
2 –If you don’t want to tell your mother and prefer to be asked then start giving her tips. Mothers often have seventh sense, but they still can’t read minds. Sometimes, the best way to do this is simply to stop lying, for example:don’t make up that you date girls or that your favorite program is playing soccer, if you don’t really like these two things. Be yourself and show who you are!
3 –If your mother is very, very angry …and you’re afraid she’ll slap you in the face, prefer the following situations to tell her the news:while she’s taking a pre-surgery anesthetic or seconds before she parachutes or bungee jumps, you can even push her after you’ve told her. Give preference to public places, such as parks, shopping malls or beaches, in case you need to run or ask for help to defend yourself.
4 –Never tell people you’re gay while your mother is in the following situations driving the car at high speed, cutting food with sharp or electric knives, going down a flight of stairs or in situations that involve risks, after all, she’ll probably get scared .
5 –Be dramatic (every mother is, but to varying degrees, ranging from Almodóvar to Mexican soap operas), tell her that you have a very serious rare disease and will die in less than 20 days. When she’s desperate and crying, make the revelation:“ Just kidding, I’m healthier than ever and I’m only gay, let’s celebrate! “.
6 –Take her shopping and let her choose everything she’s ever wanted . Insist that money is not the problem and that she deserves every penny spent, the important thing is to be happy . When you both get to the checkout, when the saleswoman asks if you’re going to pay in installments, say out loud:“ I’m gay…please, you can pass everything on, my mother deserves it and I’m sure she wants to see me happy too.”
7 –Your mother is playful, easy-going and loves to tell funny stories ? Take her to the supermarket and accidentally “lose”her in the aisles. If you’re also a stickler, ask them to announce it on the microphone:“ Attention Mrs. Maria ( or name of the ), your son is gay and is in the fruit sector. I repeat, he is in the fruit sector “. If she takes a while to show up, check the shelves for any reports of fainted women.
8 –Every day of the week, come home with a different movie for the two of you to watch together Here are a few pointers: C.R.A.Z.Y, Crazy Cage ou Priscilla –Queen of the Desert all about the relationship between fathers and sons in the gay world. Intersperse them with musicals, such as Moulin Rouge e Chicago until you reach Brokeback Mountain ou Is He? If you still need to tell her you’re gay after all these movies, check your mother’s pulse, she may have been dead for a few months on the sofa and you haven’t noticed.
9 –Show the video above to your mother and tell her that you mean exactly that but the other way around!
10 –In the last case send her this article and ask:“ guess what I have to tell you? ”
And lest anyone say that MPH is “getting too gay”because of the agendas, I promise that soon I will make a list with 10 ways to prove to your friends and family that you’re straight .
